the problem of place

This post is not about living in the gods’ forsaken middle of nowhere. I actually don’t mind that, truth be told. Yes, yes, I miss Trader Joe’s not being within 100 miles of me, I miss ethnic food other than americanized Mexican and almost-but-not-quite Thai, and seeing indie movies in a theatre, but by and large, it’s not bad. I have a whole house, replete with claw-foot tub, my own laundry room, and a huge kitchen, for what I’d pay for a room in the OC. So this is not about geography.

This is about being at a place in my life. A place a lot like here, but just a wee bit further down the path. I thought I’d have a house by now, and a dog, and an office. A place where it wouldn’t matter quite so much that it took me a couple of years to meet people, because I knew I’d be here a while. A place where I could feel…settlted.  Instead, I am not quite done with my PhD (although I am going to finish it, if only as a big FU to certain folks…and because I’ve invested far too much time to stop now), my career is in stall mode (adjuncting, while it — barely — pays the bills, isn’t exactly my dream job), and I’m alone far more often than I’d like to be. I’m not lonely, per se, although yes, I do get moments where I’d love to see more familiar faces, and have somewhere to go on a Friday night, but I spend an awful lot of my time alone in my head. With my thoughts chasing each other around like weasels chasing …well, whatever it is weasels eat (chickens, maybe?). And then I arrive at this place, where I can’t sleep and I’m too tired to do anything substantial, like, say, work on that aforementioned dissertation.

But in the end, this is the place I’ve come to, both mentally and geographically, and it is up to me to make the best of it.

Published in: on June 30, 2011 at 3:42 am  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. oh, amen to making the best of it, no matter where you find yourself.

  2. I so hear you on house/dog. Well. I had both. Then I divorced that situation, and am back in student housing. Oh, life, you practical joker, you.

    Sometimes I wonder if that settled Place-with-a-capital-P is something we learned to want from our parents, who had a chance of settling down in a career, in a way that we in this generation and market do not. I don’t know.

    Also, you should read my blog.

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